Confidence is like trying to catch the elusive rabbit.
You search and search for it, catching glimpses here and there. You study its moves and track its whereabouts.
Once you finally catch it. You do all you can to keep it from slipping away from your grasp.
You hold it and calm it down.
You make it feel familiar.
You make it feel like you are its master.
We all want to be confident. It really is quite impossible to always have it. Again, once you do have it, what do you have to do in order to refrain from losing it?
“We’re all self-conscious, I’m just the first to admit it.” -Kanye West
They say “NO”
For a long time this was a very tricky concept for me to wrap my head around. I never liked saying “no” to people. This wasn’t really hard because I worried about what feelings of theirs I may have hurt- rather I was worried about missing out on something.
When you say no, you instill the confidence within yourself that this thing or event or person doesn’t parallel with your goal alignment. They are static noise and nothing more.
Saying No builds confidence for it helps construct a clearer picture of the goals and desires of the confident person.
They are action-based.
“Our fatal mistake is waiting to be motivated before we take action. Action motivates.” -Kyle Eschenroeder
Confident people are always moving forward:
Confident writers, write.
Confident musicians, play/make music.
Confident investors, invest.
Confident daters, date.
Confident people are always moving forward. Of course no one is perfect and these confident people experience setbacks just like everyone else. They don’t stew and boil, however.
They keep moving forward.
They are mindful of their posture.
There is science behind the claim that posture and confidence or positively correlated.
But we don’t even need science to look at this phenomena. All we need to do is look at how people who exude confidence hold themselves compared to those who don’t.
How many times have you seen a confident person slouched over doing his or her best Hunchback of Notre Dame impression. Chances are you haven’t seen it at all.
Confident people are bravado. They hold their heads high and back erect.
Posture allows for the blood and oxygen in your body to flow at it’s fullest optimization- resulting in a higher confidence.
They stick to their word.
When was the last time you told someone you were going to do something and subsequently didn’t fulfill on that commitment?
Probably made you feel little.
I’m guessing it was hard to even face that person after the fact.
Confident people understand integrity and the power of their word. They know the ether they put out into the world and the gravity of the promises they make.
They ask questions.
“The man who asks a question is a fool for a minute, the man who does not ask is a fool for life.” -Confucius
Confident people know they don’t know everything. Their humility in this breeds their curiosity.
In their pursuit for learning, they gain knowledge that the close minded person will not. They gain insight that the stubborn person does not.
New knowledge and insight breeds confidence. As you grow in your understanding of the world and experience in life, you become more confident to take on life’s obstacles.
They look you in the eye when they speak and when they listen.
Eye contact is hard for a lot of people.
Not the confident person.
When you peer into the eyes of the person across the table from you, you gain control over the situation.
There’s a saying from one of my favorite books, Demian, by Hermann Hesse in which one of the characters, Demian, is telling the protagonist, Sinclair, about “the children of Cain” and how they operate. Demian goes on and tells Sinclair about not being afraid of any man and that when confronted with “the devil” you don’t close your eyes to the natural entities of the world.
Confident people don’t blink or flinch when confronted with “demons.” They look you dead in the eye and both listen and speak.
They dress well.
We’ve heard it since we were little kids:
“When you look good, you feel good.”
Dress like a badass.
What kind of style makes you feel good?
The confident person is the peacock. Now this isn’t to say that they leave the house wearing the most flamboyant of attire- far from it.
They do know however what works for them. They leave their houses in “shining armor” ready to take on the onslaught of the outside world.
Maybe they have a form-fitting tailored suit.
Maybe they have stark white sneakers.
Maybe they have sunglasses that make them feel like a celebrity.
Whatever it is, they have attire that makes them feel the part.
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